Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
