i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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