Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
where are my eyebrows?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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