I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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