we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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