Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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