Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
