Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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