Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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