$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
