Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
