What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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