Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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