it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
