Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
