In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
