I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
