You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
