Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who died my cat blue again?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
