it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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