it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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