Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
wow bdsm is so cute
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
