I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
