Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
