Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
