I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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