someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
