How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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