I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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