Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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