I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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