She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
