I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize