So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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