It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
