my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
