Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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