not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was CRYING into my vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
