it hurts more in the daytime
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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