Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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