that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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