dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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