Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
