I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
