im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
