I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
