respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
