i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
