but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
