does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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