I bet he comes in French.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
