you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
