I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
