New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
