We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
