I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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