my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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