I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
