I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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