he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
