Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
