Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
