i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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