if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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