my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
