I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
