He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
