man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
