then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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