Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
