He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
