she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?