Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
