Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.

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  (407): I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on. http://tfl.nu/fzv2
  Replies (20) Good night (991) Bad night (3296)
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  (714): View more from California

  We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now

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  (714): We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now http://tfl.nu/h0c8
  Replies (9) Good night (3385) Bad night (887)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works

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  (978): he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works http://tfl.nu/o828
  Replies (11) Good night (4465) Bad night (1849)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer

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  (203): Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/j23z
  Replies (15) Good night (1573) Bad night (2247)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (1139) Bad night (1362)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks

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  (910): I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks http://tfl.nu/c5hi
  Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (1458)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.

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  (417): woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before. http://tfl.nu/td38
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (572)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.

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  (781): I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name. http://tfl.nu/dhok
  Replies (15) Good night (712) Bad night (1266)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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  (720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm
  Replies (5) Good night (572) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.

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  (234): Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night. http://tfl.nu/5j4g
  Replies (3) Good night (1239) Bad night (437)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.

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  (603): We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/dz4i
  Replies (3) Good night (1311) Bad night (393)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."

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  (832): I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung." http://tfl.nu/1h35
  Replies (14) Good night (1852) Bad night (535)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick

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  (516): I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick http://tfl.nu/9fbv
  Replies (2) Good night (677) Bad night (267)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards

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  (563): Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards http://tfl.nu/qcuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1065) Bad night (320)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"

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  (773): yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt" http://tfl.nu/6oli
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (233)

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