I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
