A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
