I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
