I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
